The first draft has been finished for a few weeks. I'm eager to dig back in and get cracking on revisions, but my mentor and Dumbledore tells me to stay away. I respect her advice and understand why she gives it, but this is really hard!
Honestly! It's like baking a cherry crumble. "Great!" I exclaim when I remove its sweet deliciousness from the oven. "I can't wait to spoon on the cream and have a taste!"
"NO!" booms the mysterious figure hovering above the microwave. "NO CRUMBLE FOR YOU!" A vapory hand swats my own. "YOU CAN EAT THIS IN A MONTH."
A single tear runs down my cheek. "Crumble..."
You get the idea. Suffice to say, it's grating.
Strange micro-story aside, I'm excited to revise. I'm so excited, in fact, that I thought I'd share a snippet with y'all. You wanna read it, right? Well, if you insist. Pulled from a random chapter. Enjoy:
"Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Claudio popped a pretzel into his mouth.
“That you had a driver’s license!”
“Driver’s license?” He cocked his head. “I don’t have one of those.”
"What?" I must have misheard him. Surely he had a...
“I said I can drive. Just not legally.”
Great. Not only were we driving a car I took without Grandfather's permission, but also illegally. I began to yell at Claudio when something caught my eye. A black figure. I tensed. Paranoia welled in the pit of my stomach.
“Lighten up. You got bigger things to worry about.” Claudio finished the pretzels and discarded the bag into a nearby trash can.
“What’re you talking about?”
“Atticus, you and I both know you love Jessica. It’s that simple. You’re in love wit’ her. Which is why you need to make a move at this carnival-thing.”
“I know I do.” I had been thinking about it all week. I had been thinking about it since that moment on Christmas Eve.
“I’m nervous,” I confided in Claudio. “What if she doesn’t like me back? What if she rejects me?”
Claudio scratched his head. “That is very much a possibility. Ask yourself this: Would you rather stay friends and have a big crush on her forever? Or would you rather take a chance?”
I didn’t answer. I had no answer.
I hope you enjoyed! The working title is A Teenage Host and it is subject to change. Honestly, I just made that title up.
Alex
Friday, May 14, 2010
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Ha loved your cherry crumble reference! And great excerpt! I enjoyed it!!! Hope you post more! Or at least a short synopsis so I know what the story is about. But your dialogue is EXCELLENTE! And cool names! Atticus sounds familiar though, I think it's a name from some literature book i read in school. NEAT!
ReplyDeleteThank ya kindly! Yes, I am a name person, there is no denying it. There is power in names ;)
ReplyDeleteThe synopsis is coming shortly, I assure you.
I've gotten numerous comments about the name Atticus. The name sort of hit me when I began drafting the story. But tons of friends have told me that there's a character named Atticus in To Kill a Mockingbird. I wouldn't know, I've never read it.
Oh, I really liked both excerpts, but the "crumble" one made me laugh out loud. :o) Must not cut it during your revisions!
ReplyDeleteAnd what? You haven't read To Kill a Mockingbird? Get thee to a library immediately!
Caroline, the crumble bit isn't in the book! It's just gobbledygook from the top of my head!
ReplyDelete:)
Yes, blasphemous, I know. But consider this: most people read it in high school. I'm only a freshmen. I've got three more years of English classes!
i really liked this snippet, alex. i'm always curious to see how things read from a male POV, esp when written by a guy. this read really authentic to me.
ReplyDeletegreat stuff. i can't wait to read more :D
best of luck with everything!
Thanks. Authenticity is my specialty. I am a teenage boy, after all! :)
ReplyDeleteBut the rub comes in when you try to write realistic dialogue and actions of an older woman or older man. There's always some ant crawling in our cherry crumble. Roland
ReplyDelete; )
ReplyDelete